The Greens are Greener in Heaven

When Barnes and Ella Kate were born I wished so much for my daddy to be there. I knew what he would have been doing, pacing the floor, sheding tears that he wouldn't want me to see, and then standing in the corner with his hands in his pockets....

That's the daddy I remember. I never imagined growing up in this world that he wouldn't be there for all these special moments. And I hate myself for taking him for granted. Even after he was sick. I guess it was the age I was or maybe stress or maybe the horrible woman that he was married to or maybe his sister and mother that tried to keep us away from him, that tried to lie to us to make everything seem better....I dunno.

I can remember when he lived in Jackson and after his so called stroke or that's what we were told. Anyways, he had some expressive aphasia better known as not being able to speak or express what he was thinking. But he wanted so bad to tell us that he loved us. He would say "I LO...LO..." and then get frustrated. I hated seeing him like that, so helpless, it was like he was a baby trying to talk for the first time. He was mute. We told him lots of things that were going on in our lives and he wanted to talk and comment so much but he took a deep breath and just listened. He was so interested you could see it in his eyes. And it was so upsetting at times because you felt like your own father had no idea who you were and that he had missed your whole childhood. But you could not get upset in front of him because he was very emotional since he could not respond to you. But boy he sure could give the best hugs and kissses! I remember one day when we were visiting him in Jackson at his home or his wife's home...his home will always be Quail Ridge Road despite the one hateful man that betrayed him. Anyways, back to the visit, there was this commercial and I am not sure that anyone remembers it but it was a car commercial and all it showed was a vehicle driving fast on a curvy road and it played some song that I don't know the name of but it had a good beat to it. Now if you know George Barnes well you know that HE could dance!!! And everytime that commercial came on, he would move his head to the beat and smile! It was Priceless. We all laughed and danced to it too. And as much as he wanted to talk he couldn't. It killed me inside. You know you never know what you have until it is gone. And my daddy lost his way of talking. There were times that he would start talking and his wife would finish the sentence for him and he would get so mad because he was trying and she would not let him. And oh how mad I would get. But I held it in for my daddy's sake.

I don't remember how long after but he had to go to rehab for occupational and physical therapy. I remember driving down to Jackson that night with Bonnie; I had a cheer camp in Hinds the next morning so we stayed at my daddy's wife's house. We met at the hospital where Daddy was but she would not let us stay long. Oh how I hugged him and didn't want to let him go. He was so proud to show us that he could brush his teeth by himself! I nearly cried I was so impressed! At that time I thought he was on the road to recovery. We tucked him in and he said "I LO...LO...LOVE YOU". I just stared at him and begin to cry. I tried to say it back but the words would not come...and then they did. He was so proud of himself and so was I. Being only 15, I was still young and didn't know much about his condition or hospital regulations, but his wife put him to bed shortly after we were there and then we left...I was speechless. Why did she not stay with him? Why did we leave so early? What if he fell or could not make it to the call light? All these questions kept popping into my head. And like always, his wife, whose name shall I not mention because I don't like saying it much less typing it, anyways like always she assured us he would be fine. I had to be in Hinds at 7 am the next morning and was hoping to see daddy when I went back to pick up Bonnie. However his wife decided she would just meet me in Hinds so we could go on home. I never questioned it then but now I hate myself for not.

Over the next year my daddy got worse. We hardly got to see him because he was in Jackson and then his wife and his sister and his mother would limit when we saw him. "He's tired or he is not feeling well" is what they would tell us. The day we got the call that he was dying, we drove down, my two sisters and I not anyone saying anything. Just thinking and crying. That day we ignored his sister and walked straight in the room to see him. And what happened...he smiled! Even though he hurt so much and was suffering, he smiled.

Seth was a trooper. This is my sister Maggie's husband. I mean he stuck with us the whole time. He is one of a kind let me tell you and I thank God that he is in our family. One day when Seth came down during those last days when Daddy was awake, he went over to Daddy and shook his hand. Okay Seth expected him to let go quickly but he didn't. In fact I thought he was going to squeeze Seth's hand off! Daddy couldn't talk anymore but I know he was telling Seth to take care of Maggie and of all of us. Tears came to both of their eyes as Daddy slowly let go of his hand. Maggie and Seth were not married at the time but had been dating for a while. We all knew they would marry.

It was hard for my moma to be there for us because of the other wife and my daddys sister and mother. They were all, well I can't even describe how harsh they were and are. Anyways, I think it was the last day that my daddy was in the hospital, before they sent him to hospice. By the way no one told his children this... But that day, my moma was there. We had told his wife that the three of us needed to spend time with him and to our supprise she let us. As we sit there on the bed...no one said a word. Daddy was in and out. Tears shedding and noses running were the only sounds. We held his hands and as I wiped my eyes on my shirt so my daddy could not see me upset, I saw my moma coming in the room. I guess God worked that miracle. He knew that my daddy needed her in there too. And then we just sat there. Moma took his hand and told him that we would all be okay. She told him not to worry and that it was okay to go. He did actually squeeze her hand a little. That was the last moment with all five of us together. I cherish that moment and will never forget it.

Eight and a half years later, I remember those moments like they were yesterday. One night we were saying our prayers at bedtime and I got kind of upset as we were praying for EVERYONE in the family. I mean Barnes knows them all! Anyways, after we finished I said "Barnes, you know my daddy is in heaven with God". He looked at me not saying anything but thinking...I said "Barnes my daddy who is your granddaddy, died and went to heaven and now he lives there." He is still puzzled so I told him that my daddy was playing golf in heaven. I told him that his name was George Barnes and that was where his name came from. Okay that was a little much with the name part but boy did he get excited about the golf part! He replied "Mommy I wana pway (play) golf with George". He could not understand why I got upset but I thought it was the sweetest thing I had ever heard. And then I told him that one day he could play golf with George in heaven. He wanted to play at that exact moment so I had to change the subject! But I know my daddy was smiling down just as he was when Barnes and Ella Kate came into the world.

This past Christmas while we were at my momas spending the night, Barnes brought me a picture that had us and my daddy in it. He said "Mommy, wook (look) it's George, I pway golf with George". I told him that he would indeed get to play with George on those green greens in heaven! Barnes fell asleep that night with that picture in his arms...I knew who to thank for that!

I Love you Daddy!